If i come over, it means nothing
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
