Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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