I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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