i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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