fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
