youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
