Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
