matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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