Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
