I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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