So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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