I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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