don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
