I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
