he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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