he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
