dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
