Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
