Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
