I just saw a hot homeless man
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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