My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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