i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
