So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
