I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
