I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
