it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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