whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
