I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
No stitches, just platelets and will power
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
