Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
