Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
