Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You smell like stripper and shame
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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