You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
