love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
