Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
