I wish I could punch you in the face.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize