After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
