I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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