I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
