did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
