if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize