apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
