This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
