some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
