All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
