he puts the penis in happiness.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
