and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
