i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize