hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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