i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Enjoy the penises
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
