That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
