i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
you made out with another girl for some wings
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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