Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
