hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
