Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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