ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
