Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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