So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Buhtt sex?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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