i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
