I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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