So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
