It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
