I look better un-naked...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
