And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
