I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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