so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
