Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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