I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
