If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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